You know what pisses me off?

People do! In particular, stupid people! Now hear me out on this. I have a reason for writing this. And I hope the people I write about read it. No names are used, but the people should be able to recognize themselves from the descriptions to follow.

  When you press the call button for the elevator keep in mind that you onlyelevator need to press it once. Pressing it repeatedly will not make it get here any faster. Pressing it like a million times in a row really fast won't make it get here any faster. When you are waiting for the elevator, please stand to the side so the people on the elevator may exit BEFORE you try to enter. Please use courtesy when loading the car, women and children get on first. When loading the car, the higher up or further down your floor determines where you should stand. The greater the distance, the further back you should stand. If you cannot reach the control panel please ask someone to press your floor for you. Trying to reach around people is impolite. And for pity’s sake, if you wear Deep Woods Off or bathe in your perfume take the stairs! The last thing I want to do is smell you on my clothes the rest of the day. If you have a problem with gas, please take the stairs! We don’t care to find out what you ate yesterday for lunch or dinner. AND if you have not showered for a day or two, please take the stairs. If you sweat no one will really notice if it was from today or yesterday. Last but not least, turn to your neighbor on the elevator and say good morning/afternoon/evening. It doesn’t hurt to acknowledge the other people in the car. In fact your smile and good cheer may make a world of difference to everyone else in the car with you. You don’t have to carry on a conversation, just say hello!


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