Vacation to remember part 3

By the way .. did I mention Wife came down with a case of poison ivy before we left? The Tuesday before we left Wife was complaining of a rash. I looked at it and recommended she get to the Dr right away. I thought it was poison ivy. She scheduled her appointment for Thursday. It spread and got worse before then. She got a shot and 2 prescriptions. We hoped there would be some improvement. There wasn’t. She was in misery. Finally this past Thursday we went to a Dr in Gatlinburg and signed her up as a patient. He gave her a new set of prescriptions and a steroid shot .. and Friday before we left she got another steroid shot and a benadryl shot. Thursday night and yesterday morning she felt great. The shots yesterday were just before we left for home. The benadryl knocked her out. She slept all the way home. She slept through several rest stops and gas station pit-stops for grandpa … so for her the 8 1/2 hour trip home was not that bad.

Lets see .. what else went wrong? Oh yeah .. sunburn .. Wife and I got sunburn on Monday. I felt it starting to burn so I went back up to the room (yes we wore sunscreen). Wife stayed at the pool for another hour to play with her nieces and nephew. Needless to say that only added to the misery she was in. The cool pool water helped the itch if the poison ivy so I can understand why she stayed. On Monday I started showing signs of poison ivy on the back of my legs below the knee. Nothing in comparison to Wife’s case.

Tuesday after dinner at the Applewood Farmhouse .. oh yeah I have to mention this. I usually get a crappy meal there and everyone else gets a great meal. This time I was the only one who had a great meal. I made sure everyone knew how good my meal was there. Usually I get the overcooked or toughest piece of meat. This time it was perfect. So back to after dinner plans .. we got to do go-karting in Pigeon Forge, well the kids and my BIL’s family did. I had to take great grandpa back to the hotel. And drive back to pick everyone up. We did get to stop at Kripsy Kreme on the way back to Gatlinburg and got 2 dozen “Hot Now” donuts to share with everyone. We spent the evening cooling off our sunburns and poison ivy in the pool.

Wednesday the BIL and his family left after breakfast. We decided to head back to Pigeon Forge and visit the outlets. We were hunting for a few specific things. One was a Coach purse for D1. This is where I get lost. What the heck is the deal with people (women) paying $400 for a freaking purse that was made with less than $5 in materials and probably imported from a sweatshop in China? These things are ugly! I guess the uglier the purse the better it is and the more expensive. I had to go wait outside because this was a insult to my sensibilities. While waiting I was talking to a guy who was there on his honeymoon (poor guy). They had been shopping all morning. He was proud of his new Fossil watch that he just paid $175 for at the outlet. I pulled out my laptop and showed him the same watch on eBay for $87 … ending in 2 minutes. He then starting looking at other things they bought. Shoes from the Merrell store were cheaper at .. who knew. I then suggested he find out how much his wife was spending in Coach. He did. And he was dragging her out the door. Welcome to the “You’ll never guess how much I saved” club buddy.

I decided to head back into the Coach store and fish out my wife and girls before they were in too deep. And that’s when the trouble started. I saw D1 carrying a purse. Normally $399 on sale in the Coach outlet for $167 (that’s on huge ass mark up and I’m certain they were still making $125 on it!). I was certain I could find it cheaper online. I convinced her to set it down and we’ll look online. That’s when Wife blasted me. That was a great deal! That purse is still in style and you can’t touch it for that price anywhere. Ok .. I looked to D1 and said go get it. And that’s when we noticed there were no others on the shelves and there was a woman carrying it around. I was told to get that purse back. I said if she puts it down it’s meant to be D1’s. If she buys it we are meant to look elsewhere. She put it down and it was snatched up by another woman instantly. So I figured I better get in gear and get the purse. I followed her. She picked up a few other items but didn’t set D1’s purse down. Then she spotted the same purse but with different colors. She set it down to pick up the other one. I reached between her and her friend with my long arms and picked up the purse and put it on my shoulder. And they looked at me .. stunned. And I said with the best, gayest lisp I could muster, “Oh I just have to have this!” One of them said “It doesn’t match your shirt” and I replied “I have just the cutest outfit back at the hotel that will match it! And I even have a pair of Crocs to match!” And the other one said “Well then honey, you deserve that purse!” …. I handed it to my wife and promptly went outside to find a tool outlet store to restore my masculinity.


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