There are some things that I should not be allowed to see. I have an imagination and can take things a little too far and can scare myself.
Example: Last weekend I had the chance to go Christmas “errand running” with my wife for 8 hours. If you ask me errand running does not take 8 hours. But in her book it was errand running. I guess men in general don’t have the same shopping stamina that women have. While “errand running” I had the chance to socialize with other men who were also duped into “errand running”. Some had it worse than I had, they had been at it since breakfast. Their wives had conned them into going out for breakfast and “running a few errands”. At least my trip didn’t begin until noon.
While socializing with the other men I happened to notice that the comfy chairs and benches offered a view of the mall’s Victoria’s Secret store. And while talking with the other men I had noticed some of the women coming and going from the store. There were all types of women. The older women kinda caught me by surprise. I’m talking 60’s or perhaps early 70’s … There were tall ones and short ones. Pretty ones and not so pretty ones. There were skinny ones and not so skinny ones. And there were several “just right” ones. And they all came out with different size bags. Some with small bags. Some medium bags and a couple large ones (they must have bought bathrobes or pajamas). The large bags were very rare. I then wondered if they didn’t have a robe in the bag or pajamas they must have been rich. Have you seen the prices of the stuff in the store? $50 for a bra!? To fill up one of those large bags with $50 bras and $10 panties (I’m glad I can go to Wal-Mart and buy a 6 pack of tagless Hanes briefs for $10) it had to be $500 or $600. So I’m thinking bathrobe or pajamas.
You see, this is where I get myself in trouble with my imagination. You can infer many things from the size of the bag and how it hangs in one’s hands and know if there is any weight to the contents or not. A lighter bag will not look fully unfolded. A bag with some weight to it will unfold more. If the bag has weight to it, it swings differently when carried. If it’s really light it flops and twists more. I’m not just talking from Victoria’s Secret, I’m talking from any store. I’m sure you bought just a card and had it put into a bag and carried it from the store. You know how that looks and feels. I’m sure you have gone to Wal-Mart and bought something like a deodorant stick or perhaps a bottle of perfume and had it put into the same size bag and it behaved entirely different when carried than the bag with the card, right?
Then I saw that which scares me the most, the fat women (I’m not talking slightly over weight or pleasantly plump here .. I’m talking huge) that came out with the little bags that reacted like they had little to no weight in them. And this is the part that gets me in trouble, in my mind I was telling myself “she went in for the perfume .. she went in for the perfume or a gift card” but it wasn’t working. I kept getting an image in my mind of the scene in Jack Black’s movie “Shallow Hal” where he’s in bed and a huge pair of thong panties come flying at him. And all I could do is cringe at the mental image I had in my head.
I wish there was a way to wash my mind out with soap …
And about that time wife showed up .. with a small, light bag from Victoria’s Secret and again my imagination kicked in … but I’m not allowed to look until Christmas! 🙂 I guess it pays to “errand run”.